slimsunshine

It’s been a few weeks since I came on here….feels like months really.  I have been really stressed and overwhelmed lately with work and life in general so I took some time from working out so much.  I think I was overdoing it a bit and was putting a lot of pressure on myself.  I want to get back into a routine but need to think of some more realistic goals to start with so I don’t burn myself out so fast.  6 weeks is not long enough for me to lose the weight I want!  Plus, I want to find a way to make this MY LIFE again, rather than a quick fix lose fest!

 I like lists that summarize things so here’s one….

Things I was doing well:
- working out regularly, not missing more than a day or two in a row without getting back into it
- listening to my body and not overworking muscles that were tired
- eating regularly and drinking lots of water
- logging my food
- blogging my thoughts
- I lost 5 lbs & 5.5 inches!

Things I need to do improve on:
- Visualizing myself at my goal weight, rather than scrutinizing my body in the mirror
- Workout variety to keep it fun and less strenuous on body parts
- Finding a BALANCE with work, play, exercise and relax time.  Maybe that means working out 5 days only a week and being okay with that…or working out for a bit less time for awhile.
- Weight lifting!!!
-Staying happy about slow results- as long as I am moving in the right direction then I need to be happy and not frustrated.  Maybe weighing every 2 weeks is better?  Maybe only measuring each week instead? Maybe weighing at my doctors only?
-Thinking positive and tellig myself I WILL MAKE IT!

I think winter drives my happiness into the ground and makes it harder for me to feel energetic and positive.  I just get down and feel sad for no reason.  I am also going to see my doctor about this because sometimes it actually interferes with me being able to work, exercise, or visit with people.  Not cool!

I am going to cut this short but I am making a plan and am going to get back into it.  I was working so hard and I don’t want to see my results disappear because I gave up.

I guess because it is. Nothing worth having ever really comes easy…but man I am so tired!  I had a few days of feeling pumped again but then felt unmotivated and tired all over again…then a few days fo pumped…and now feeling tired, unmotivated, crabby and just plain sick of working so hard….already!  I need to focus on the pisitive again and get myself excited and feeling good about where I am going but it’s hard to pull myslef out of a rut and fake it ’till I make it :)  let’s try…

 It’s been awhile since I blogged and updated my profile.  This is what I’ve accomplished so far since Jan. 2:

-worked out 24 days in January
-lost 5.3 lbs of fat and gained .25 pounds of muscle!
-watch my eating, water, sleep and exercise like a hawk
-set goals eack week to have something to focus on

This is all good stuff but you know when you just feel like what you are doing isn’t making a sweet bit of difference?  That’s how I feel lately.  I feel frustrated that things seem to be moving at a snails pace.  My weight last Saturday was up again and my body doesn’t feel like I have been working out 6 days a week even though I have.  I guess I expected to show more signs of losing weight and feeling even more ripped by now..it has only been 5.5 weeks since I really started but it’s still discouraging when I still have to suck in my stomach, unbutton my pants to relax, still can’t wear the clothes I love without feeling like a blimp…etc. 

I had a shoulder injury that is moving all over my upper back and I am afraid I will totally blow my shoulder out and not be able to do Taebo.  Without that workout I don’t know what I would do!.  There’s nothing that quite compares, especially when it’s conveniently located in my own house-  no driving time required, less time to complete, more likely to actually do it!

I love my food binder but I am not looking at it often enough right now. I forget to think about my goal or I don’t even write one for the week, I don’t write down my food soon enough so I forget, I don’t USE IT to help me.  Right now it just feels like a pain in the butt!

I need to really snap out of this and figure out how to make it work again.  I know that I may not always be able to do things the same way all the time and I am flexible but as soon as things start to slow down or I lose my momentum and stop working my “system” then I feel ike I am flying off the railroad tracks.  I beat myself up over it, feel bad, feel like I totally screwed up, tell myself that I am not going to make it.  I really don’t have very positive things to say to myself, and often after just a slight mistake or slow down. 

Take this month for example-  this is when everything seemed to really slide:

I decide to carry over my goal from week 4 to week 5 even though I felt like a new goal was in order.
I only worked out 6 out of the last 10 days…last month I would have done 8.
I hurt my shoulder.
I missed some days of recording my eating and checking tasks off
I weighed myself and was really disappointed.  I didn’t really feel bad or react at the time but gradually all week I have been caring less and less what I do and how much I exercise.  My head was saying “It won’t make a difference anyways, what’s the point?”
I am eating mini peanut butter cups right now.

What did I do that was positive?

I worked out 6 out of 10 days
I changed my workouts sometimes so that my shoulder wouldn’t get worse.
I tried a new Kathy Smith video that incorporates weights.
I have done 2 weight workouts already this month
I still completed my eating plan most days
I added up my protein, carb, fruit, veg etc. and compared them to last month to try and figure out what might not be working

I don’t know what to do to make thing shappen faster.. I could workout 2 hrs a day but I think my body would reject that anyways and I know it’s not realistic.  I do feel a serious sense of pressure from myself to lose a significant amount before the wedding.  If that wasn’t happening I don’t know if I would be so worried….it’s like this number hanging over my head that I expect to meet.  I am realizing that it may take me quite a bit longer to get there and realistically I don’t know how I feel about working out 6 days a week for 12 months…that’s alot!!  I need to find a way to let go and be okay with getting to whatever weight I reach by August, without guilt, without pressure and shame, without feeling like I SHOULD be lighter, without getting in my own way of making progress, however slow and steady it is.

I think I will search for some info on wedding weight pressure…even the website ads are starting to target my need for weightloss (they know I have been searching for health/ weight related things and they target you for that- scary!).  I need to feel like it is okay that I go at a realistic pace.  I need to feel like I can eat some treats and I won’t blow everything.  I need to know my limit of putting pressure on myself.  I need to know how to celebrate eventhe smallest victories!

If anyone has ideas for how to celebrate sucess, even little successes, then let me know.  Also, if you have an idea for how to stop focussing on the weight and be able to look at all the aspects of results.  I have a fat/ LBM scale so I can calculate roughly the fat loss to muscle gain plus BMI.  Sometimes that damn weight number means so much though!!!  I know that when I am healthy I will not weigh this much, regardless of what any other number says I am overwight now and need to lose! 

It is such a discouragement and is actually a cause of anxiety for me to not know whether that scale has changed for the better and know that my weigh-in is coming.  I am afraid of weekly weigh-in but still want to be able to track my results so that I can see what is working and what I need to change.  Any suggestions?
Sorry I am such a grump everyone!  I feel like a total downer on here and realyl wish everyone the best. My second month is proving to be even more challenging than the first!  Help!

Okay so I am feeling a bit better that I was the pther day…still feel like I am crabby sometimes and a bit down….according to my calculations and my current weight loss rate I will have only lost 34 lbs before the wedding.  That puts me at 167.  I was hoping for 155-160 but I gues that’s pretty vlose…plus when the sumshine hits, I think I will feel more like getting out and being more active without having to schedule exercise.

 Tried a Kathy Smith tape and loved it today!  Hard but good workout.  Different that my other ones so it will be a good change.  I am praying for a decent weigh-in tomorrow morning…cheated again and it looks good but I am not getting my hopes up yet-  been there, done that!  I have been eating more carbs to be sure I am not shocking my body too  much…plus I took another few days off this week.  I fell liek I am getting sick and really don’t want the cold to GET me. Maybe I needed a break from 6 days a week of working out.  It was pretty intense :) 

My wedding dress came today.  I love it SO much! I wish I could wear it around teh house it’s so comfortable :)  Alas, I will take my friend Eva back to try it on again on Sunday and take more pictures.  I really need to sculpt my arms…that’s the only thing (beside my double chin) that needs some serious work for me to feel good.

Off to shower and relax.  Night night!

I just feel like piss the last few days.  Since my period started, talk about NO MOTIVATION!  I didn’t fill out my meals properly for a couple of days, didn’t check off my goals, didn’t write a new goal for the week until tonight, took 2 days off in a row, had a total meltdown tonight (and I don’t even know why exactly) …..I just feel crappy about things.  I am totally emotional, stressed out, anxious about work, finally settling on wedding things but still have so much to think about, tired, annoyed with myself…..  I am exhausted and can’t seem to sleep when I need to and don’t want to sleep in the evenings because it’s finally a time when I can be awake and feel somewhat relaxed and do something fun like watch a show. 

I seriously feel like I am going crazy sometimes with how emotional I get!!  Totally loony!  I am recently off the pill, which is not helping my hormonal situation one bit.  I can’t remember the last time I really got PMS until I went off the pill…seriously, a few days of crabby and maybe one weird cry session that came from left field but other than that I used to have a pretty even keel mood (of course depending on what was happening in life at the time :).  My current pattern is:  I am pumped in week 1, sliding downhill in week 2, back on track in week 3, and insane week 4.  Maybe a nice horse tranquilizer will help me chill out, sleep when I am supposed to, and not get so damn emotional!

Okay…let’s try a brighter note because this crabbing is even annoying me. 
Get your head on straight Dee and start focusing on the POSITIVE!
-I worked out 23 out of 28 days so far this month- better than ever in a few years!
-I have lost 4 lbs and 5.25 inches in 21 days
-I have changed my eating habits so I am eating regular meals and snacks, drinking 8 glasses of water each day, and cutting down on simple carbs and sugar.
-I am keeping track of what I eat/ drink daily
-I feel stronger and slimmer (although I don’t really look any different..)
-I look forward to working out (almost always
-I have included 2- 90 minute workouts this month and lifted weights 3 times
-I can feel my abs getting stronger and tighter
-I am looking forward to pulling out some of those few skinny gorgeous outfits I kept
-Buddyslim is awesome!  I love the support and I am inspired each day I read your stories-thank you!
-My wedding is going to be at a beautiful outdoor venue instead of a hall-  YAAAAYYYY!
-I AM NOT GIVING UP.  I WILL lose 50 + lbs by August!!!

Whew! That’s better.  Got to get my head back to Earth and out of crazy lady land.  My doctor offered to look at my eating plan early Feb when I go back to see her.  I think I will take her up on the offer and show her my food and my workout calendar.  Maybe she will have some feedback that I could really use to feel better and see more results with.  I feel like what I am doing is pretty solid and healthy but you never know, something may jump out at her that is really interfering with my progress or she feels is not healthy.

My goal this week:
Attitude is everything. Be committed to do what it takes (to be slim).

So far I have taken 2 days off and done a 90 min cardio and 2- 40 minute cardio workouts since Saturday.  Not too bad.  That’s 170 minutes of cardio in 5 days (averages to 34 min/ day).  Tomorrow is Thursday (normally my Friday but I am working Friday this week- I really need the money but I really don’t want to work either because I feel fried…grrrr!!).  There is a strength class and a circuit class at the gym, plus I have a new Kathy Smith tape that is a full body strength-type workout called The Matrix Method.  Anyone done it…I am a bit worried about it messing up my knees, especially after so much Taebo kickboxing.  Really, I don’t even care what workout I do right now as long I am getting exercise everyday.  Ideally, I would be doing cardio 3-4X and weights 2-3X a week but I just cant’ be bothered right now to try and motivate myself to do the weights so it’s almost always all cardio.  I did look into buying some free weights and can get them used for cheap . Dave’s brother has an old weight bench with a leg extension on it that I can have- sweet!  I was hoping that if I had the weights at home and could crank up the music and just do weights here that I might actually stick to a strength program.  I used to love weight lifting…now, I am just annoyed at the gym and the time it takes me to go there, wait, get packed up….such a spoiled brat aren’t I!

Here I am again, up late AGAIN.  It’s 11:30 and I am wide awake.  Maybe if I start reading again that will help.  I have a book I have been meaning to get to and it always makes me sleepy to read.  Oh good, a *yawn*! 

I think I will go for a nice shower and then read myself to sleep.  Thanks for listening. I really needed to vent tonight.  Hoping for no meltdowns tomorrow

I kicked some serious workout butt today.  Pushed myself through another 90 minute Taebo routine. I really needed to do it to give myself a boost and feel strong again.

So I have really only lost 4.2 lbs in 21 days.  If I calculate from my exact weight (online I can’t record 1/2 lb increments of weight or loss) from then nutil now I have lost 4.2 lbs.  I studied my eating and exercise and there’s not much to tell except my bosy is onlylosing a bit at a time right now.  It’s a safe amount…yeah yeah I know…but it’s still annoying when I want to be super slim and at my goal by wedding time. It’s probably not going to happen at this rate but at 4.2 lbs per 3 weeks I can expect to lose about 40 lbs by a week before the wedding.  That puts me at 166 lbs - not too bad but it’s still about 20-25 lbs away from bliss weight!  I think I was about that weight when I moved to Victoria…maybe a bit smaller…and I looked pretty good.

I am eating about 1600 calories and have cut that by 100 more.  I am also going to eat a few more starched for a few days, as I think my body id catching on to what’s happening and is slowing down the burning.  I have a great e-book I printed called “Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle” by Tom Venuto (champion bodybuilder).  He has some really great “tell you like it is” advice and tipe on how to be realistic and burn fat the best and healthiest way.  Unfortunately for most of us who struggle with our weight, that means working REALLY HARD- something that is hard to sustain, which is why we gain back or fail.

I am also going to incorporate more weight lifting into my week.  My goal is three times a week full body with 3 sets each (I am currently at 2X week, 2 sets).  I avoid the gym right now because it’s so busy but I have figured out some times that should be quieter and I can peacefully workout without feeling claustrophobic!  More muscle mass will mean more burning…although I am cutting calories so I am not sure how much mucle I can gain while I am in a calorie deficit?…I’ll have to watch that.

The good news is that I am not losing lean body mass and I have also lost 5.25 inches!!  Which means FAT is GONE!  I have lost more inches than pounds so far :)  As long as it’s going in the right direction I guess I should stay positive and PATIENT.  I’ve got to keep a positive outlook and not become discouraged by comparing to others or expecting a massive weight loss to happen quickly.  I am working hard, paying attention, and feeling strong.  Once I start fitting into old clothes things will start to be even better!

I  love

reading your

Friday, my day off, I have a billion things I want to do and here I am at the computer…

Got my period.  Explains all the carb cravings lately.  I had a piece of toast yesterday, something I never do anymore.  It was so good!  My body was telling me that’s what I needed….who knows! 

Today is beautiful and sunny but I feel a bit off.  I spent too much time yesterday looking at beautiful skinny friends’ pictures on Facebook and I feel a bit dumpy.  Nothing like a perfectly skinny, makes it look so easy, always dressed up just right kind of person to really make me feel like crap.  Terrible isn’t it!  That’s not healthy to be so influenced by others.  It’s a sure sign that I am not where I want to be and I need to get my butt moving and just work towards the light.  I need to do a serious evaluation of my diet and exercise this weekend because I am suprised at how slow my loss seems to be.  I guess it’s a healthy speed though…about 1.7 lbs per week which is just right if I want to keep it off long term- duh!  I calculated that out according to the number of weeks until the wedding- because truth be told that’s where everyone will notice what I look like- and I will be 159 lbs- 52 lbs lighter. Not bad but I am a bit disappointed.  I think I realy wouldlike to pass the 150 mark or be under 155 at least.  I think that’s realistic considering the rate so far. Eventually I will hit 140 but I am more frocused on getting to around 150.  I think that is actually an even safer weight for me to be at, especially with some muscle gain after losing that I want to do.

So what is todays big plan??
We are supposed to have date night and I am not sure I want too go lift weight with Dave…I am doubting that he will be into that at all.  It does fit the criteria of something we don’t often do to tgether and a stretch- he is in good shape because he walks all the time from and doesn’t eat sweets or overeat at all.  Lucky bum.

Here are all the things I want to do this weekend:
-Date night dinner and activity
-Mark math, SS
-Plan next week entirely in my daybook
-Tidy classroom desk and put away math units
-Workout all 3 days - Super Sunday here I come!
-Weight/ measurements and evaluation of what I am doing
-Vacuum, bathrooms
-Laundry away (finally!!)
-Get my new book club book from the library
-Relax and do nothing, maybe read for some time
-budget, bills
-Weight lift…this afternoon would be a good time but Dave’s not off work until 3:30
-Bridal fair and possible dog walk

I think that’s all….whew sounds busy!
I need to break this list down into smaller parts or I am going to freak. Getting my notepad to write them in…..

Okay…got a rough plan.  I was going to go to the school today but I really feel like going for a hike and then doing my chores today. Weird but it really doesn’t matter when I do them, as long as they get done.

11:30 already…
I need to eat and go for a hike or do something in this SUN! Happy weekend everyone

I am going fairly strong today, although I am eating a few more sweets than I planned this week.  My calories are still in the 1400-1600 range where I need them, I am just craving sugar and starches like mad!  Every night I could go out and eat an ice cream or bag of cookies.  I think it’s because I haven’t been eating enough earlier in the day so I am hungrier later - and late hunger always seems to bring the junk food sessions on!  I know I need to set limits but I also know that a treat here and there won’t totally mess everything up.  If I eat sensibly and balanced meals and add a few M & M’s or chocolate milk I will still see results.  I know if I am totally strict and cut all sweets and starches then I will swing back and have a crazy carb night and totally blow it!  It’s just not worth it to restrict so much and is not really necessary.  I am feeling good, and am still able to eat within my calorie range and I am doing my daily workouts, then I am going to enjoy those treats and appreciate them even more when I do!  I have about a 100 calorie “freebie” limit each day where these fit into.

I went to a cardio swim class tonight and it was a great workout!  I got my butt to the gym even after coming home and having dinner and I pushed really hard for 40 minutes. Tomorrow is another weight day..I might even finally try the circuit area of the gym to help avoid the busy zones and still get some resistance training + cardio in.

Sleep is okay but I am such a late night owl!  I love my quiet times in front of the TV with the dog watching CSI or some silly show…problem is that watching one episode always leads to another and I end up staying up too late (like right now!). I am averaging 7 hrs a night but would really like to know what 8 hrs feels like again.  I think I would be much more productive at work too.

Speaking of sleep…..I should get going to bed to my sweetheart XO

Had a good day today, despite work stresses.  Watched the Barack Obama inaguration on TV this morning with my class-  how powerful and memorable this day is!!

Went to the gym right after work and did my weight workout.  It was crazy busy in there!  It was close to peak hours but I was suprised at how packed it was.  I find it a bit unnerving, rather than energizing when it’s too busy…waiting for weights, benches, mats, trying to find your own space…I just don’t enjoy it as much. 

I did my weight workout though and despite having to change my weight for my right arm (because my shoulder is still really sore) it went well.  Didn’t feel as challenged as usual…maybe I need to intensify my weight workouts?  I have been doing full body routines for a few weeks now and it might be time to up the anti and go for split weight workout- upper body one day, lower the next. Maybe when my shoulder is better would be a smarter time to start that because you do multiple exercises on the same muscle and most of the upper body exercises affect my shoulder in some way.

On a wedding note….looks like we have our dates all lined up again, although the wedding is an entire month later now :(  I don’t recommend you EVER give yourself more than 6 months to plan a wedding…it just gets to be too much time and you just want to get married already!! (well, I do anyways)

Tomorrow I think I am going to switch thigns up and go for the deep water run workout at the gym…I may even sneak in a short cardio if I am feeling energetic before then.

I am reading your posts and getting so much inspiration. You buddies kick butt!!

What a supercrab I was over the weekend!  Wow, even last week I was cranky and so stressed.  PMS?  Too much wedding plans?  Who knows but I am feeling great today!!

 I had a good sleep…difficulty waking up and getting out of bed as usual but it is Monday.  Felt good all day, not too  tired.  Went to my doc and then came home and worked out.  My girlfriend found a Taebo tape that I thought I lost so I did that one.  Talk about a sweat session!  45 minutes and lots of punching and kicking, non-stop cardio!  Felt great

Dave and I went on a sweet hike yesterday too.  About 1.5 hrs of hiking with a lunch break in between.  The sun was out and we sat on the top of Little Mt. Doug and just realxed.  It was so nice to have some down time with him and let the sun in.  I actually burned a little!

Tonight is a healthy stirfry and then some relax time with a book or movie.  Tomorrow I need to change things up and bust my butt for a weight or swim workout…something different again or I am going to wreck my knees or some other part by doing the same Taebo moves for cardio.  A swim would be nice…but maybe I’ll save that until Wed…I have the check the gym class schedule.

Dave and I are going on a date Friday…new idea is to go somewhere we wouldn’t normally, planned by the other person, no questions asked.  We’re going to lift weight and then go for dinner Fun and different (it’s supposed to be a bit outside of the other person’s comfort zone

Talk later, take care everyone.

So a huge disappointment this morning when I did my official weigh-in-  not 2 lbs but 1/2 a lb!  Yeah, I was choked.  Probably lost a bunch of water weight earlier in teh week- was starting a cleans again but stopped.  I’m just bummed.  I mean I slowed down my workouts because my shoulder was killing and I was pretty wired on other things and was feeling so maxed out.  I feel frustrated and totally have the winter blues.  I want to stay in bed or just hide away lately. 

Positive Dee says- You still lost weight even if it was a small victory it was a victory!  Plus, I lost another half inch- whoohoo!  That means I lost fat again.  My muscle stayed the same which is good news.  I am allowed to have crappy weeks and this happened to be one fo them.  It doesn’t mean week 3 will be the same.  In fact, I can set some new goals and see how I do…

Week 3 goals:
- plan my workouts the day before and make NO exceptions- it’s easy to plan but I need to follow through and push myself whether I feel likeit or not.  Many days I won’t feel like working out but I will never regret doing it, I will regret that I talked myself out of it.
- savour the treat foods and choose ONE a day
- popcorn ONCE a week (this is my latest serious craving- its PMS coupled with winter blahs-  I could eat a bathtub of it some nights I swear!

Be committed to do what it takes to have what I want.
I want to lose 17 more lbs by the end of February.  That leaves me with 6 weeks to get there….that’s about 3 lbs per week.  I can do that!  I need to work damn hard at it but I can do that!
What did I do to lose 3 lbs before…
I worked out everyday
I did 2 weight workouts that week
I tracked what I ate and rarely overate any fat, sweets, or starch food group
I told myself I could do it and I felt in control

Some weeks are going to be MUCH harder…especially when I am feeling stressed, down, and my period is coming.  Those weeks need to be taken with a grain of salt.  Chill out, don’t let it get me down and move on.  This is week 3 and I have 3 lbs to lose!!!

Tomorrow I am going for a dog walk with a friend in the morning.  I think I should do weights at the gym afterwards because I haven’t done any since last week BUT I think while I am feeling so crappy that I should do ANY workout as long as I don’t skip it.  I’ll see what I am up for…maybe a weigh workout would be good and would make me feel strong again.

Night.